I Am Present

July 30, 2019

There are times when sometimes I surprise myself with how I am able to will things from the invisible to the visible. I speak a thing; God hears it and then says, “You got it.” Sometimes it feels as though the progression from the conception of a dream to its manifestation takes seconds, and sometimes it feels like it takes eons. I just know that at the end of the process of wishing, hoping, and praying the supernatural seeds will ultimately produce what I desire.

So, here I am in a state of finally receiving something that I have prayed so long to finally receive. I stand overlooking the new territory of matrimony. I have spied this land for so long and envisioned the beauties untold of being forever joined to the one who was created for me to explore and journey the path with until death do us part. Over the years, I have crouched with binoculars carefully examining every aspect of what I could see within the land of marital bliss. During those times of observing my hopeful future area of travel, I did happen to see some not so grand displays of marital reality.

I saw impatience, misunderstanding, hateful communication, immaturity, distrust, envy, jealousy, infidelity, disrespect, abuse (verbal, physical, and mental), ego, and a host of other unsavory characters intermingling with unsuspecting individuals! I quickly spoke that those villains would not approach me during my long stay within the land of rings and vows. How naive I was to think that I could escape spying the land without being seen by some of those culprits of unhappiness and marital discontent! Now as I steadily approach upcoming nuptials, I have been visited by some of the characteristics whose attention I ducked to avoid while I was looking upon others’ marriages.

I have been a traveler on my own journey for awhile now, and I have learned how to navigate the land alone. Through peaks and valleys, the lessons have been brought to a common ground of anything can be solved with the leadership of God and unconditional love. I thought that being with an added bonus of a fellow journeyman would make the rest of my travels much easier. That has been proven to be a partially faulty notion because whenever you involve humans, there must always be room for personal growth and adjustment in the presence of another whether under positive or negative circumstances.

Having now encountered the reality of being in situations where I have not always behaved in an evolved manner regarding my future “other half”, I have considered the ideas of the unwanted unknowns and “what-ifs” of wedlock. Taking two people from two different sets of travels and setting them towards the same unconquered land is a daunting task, and I have thought maybe I wasn’t supposed to venture into the land of marriage.

I have definitely contemplated if it is indeed where I have been dispatched to go. I have wondered what if marriage is a mirage on my journey. What if I really have not been called into walking into the possibility of being lawfully committed to my ordained husband? What if we succumb to the villains? What if they overtake us, and we aren’t strong or committed enough to fight them? How will living in this new land challenge and change us? Will our marriage change us for the better–developing us and making us stronger as pieces to the whole? Are we called to make the world a better place as a union?

While I was nearly immobilized by the what-ifs (sparked by running into the doubt-inducing villains), the questions were then silenced by the peace of God. I was comforted by the reassurance of remembering that every new leg of my journey (especially the rocky transitional beginning to my new home of life) started with the same questions of fear. I understand that some of the what-ifs are rooted from wisdom, but I also fully realize that most of them have stemmed from being afraid of this particular canonized and over-romanticized unknown.

Honestly, in transparency and vulnerability, seeing the humanity and frailty of the reality of the unknown triggered my own insecurities and weaknesses. I have done so much internal work on myself, but I still have so much work left to do. However, just as with the other unknowns that blossomed into beautiful and divine experiences, I must walk by faith and definitely not by sight. I have work to do, but so does he. Where I am weak, he is strong and vice versa. We will support and strengthen each other and grow together. We are both willing and able to love one another with unconditional love, and God is with us. As I was drawing to the positive, self-made conclusion of my internal dialogue, I heard God say three amazing words… “I am present.” I. Am. Present.

That was all that I needed to hear. I know that I will be just fine. I am destined to walk in the direction of my exceptional beloved, and we are to continue together. We are blessed and protected, and as we take each and every day one step at a time, we will be able to proceed as two complete explorers guided by the same compass.

Seasons Change

January 8, 2019

The seasons have changed twenty-four times since I first embarked upon my journey in 2012. I have walked through green days of birth and renewal, blazing hot days of vibrant beauty, days full of blowing leaves of transition, and of course the days of bitter cold biting through to the core of my existence. I have seen things, met people, and most of all lived life during this span of time. I have learned that people are not always who they present themselves to be (positively and negatively), but the seasons have shown me that they have their place in my evolution. Seasons have taught me that I was in need at one point in time, but as the years have shifted, I have been able to move back into a place of giving. As I was once lacking, I am now revived and abundant. I have seen the full pendulum swing from my being a teacher to a student of life back to a teacher again–all in the span of seasons. I recently had an article published where I delved into the significance of our introspection of self and how we have personal seasons reflected within our facets of self (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical), and it wasn’t until I reread the article that I fully understood that I had experienced every single bit of my advice that I had dispensed to others. It humbled me. Whenever I prepare to share what has been given to me, I pray and ask God to tell me what needs to be shared with the people. I only provide what is inspired because my life is not my own, and I know that what I have gained up to now has come directly from my personal experiences of walking through the seasons of my own journey. I truly believe that this fact alone was one of the main reasons why I was called to live a fuller, richer, more evolved life. I was called to leave my former life in order to walk into a newer and grander place of unconditional love and service to God and others. At this point in time, I can think of no better way to live my life than in a transparent fashion to help guide others and make the world a better place as we all travel through our individual and collective seasons of life. Each day brings forth a totally new adventure within a season, yet I am still here for the challenge. I give gratitude for being able to stand tall and stride forward into the beautiful seasonal weather ahead.

 

The Takeaway

November 10, 2018

I am so grateful to see this day. To stand in this moment. To savor the life that I live. The hundreds of thousands of steps that I have taken to get to this point in my journey have been worth every tear. The steps have been worth the heartache. The trials have been worth the sacrifice. The journey has been worth the transformation. I didn’t know what I was getting into six years ago. I fully admit that. I’ve admitted that from day one. If I still had the journals that I poured myself into from that time period, I could re-read verbatim what I wrote to confirm that I was clueless on the conscious level, but I was a genius on the subconscious level. I inherently knew that whatever I was meant to do in life had to be done ASAP. I felt that whoever I was supposed to be, I had to become “her”, or else I would perish for real. Day by day I was perishing, but now I thank “her” for choosing life. I live now. I live every single day to the delightfully contented satisfaction of my soul’s choice. I manifest fruitful beauty freely and abundantly, and I make no apologies for being me. I know that I am fully complete within who God created me to be, and I live by the standard of unconditional love for God, myself, and others. I stand in my truth. I share what I was sent to give through my daily existence–whether through teaching, encouraging, writing, singing, acting, painting, drawing, dancing, modeling, living, and loving–I make the world a better place. The takeaway to myself is just to continue to believe that the invisible is possible. I’ve manifested a new home, and the best is yet to come. Happy Resurrection Day to me.

Basic

July 17, 2018

I have walked so many steps in the journey since my last post. I have enjoyed great triumphs in the personal and professional areas of my existence. I have stayed the course and continued to work diligently in the field of life and self-evolution. I have had some moments recently that were so amazingly surreal that I had to whisper to myself that I wasn’t dreaming. My world has transformed beautifully because I remained faithful to God and myself.  I chose to be loyal to the Lover of my soul. I am grateful. Gratefully grateful! Unfortunately, what I do clearly see after climbing to a mid-peak of “success” is that most people do not fully understand, nor do they sincerely appreciate, those of us who are extremely gifted and walking in our purposes. I have noted this before; I have dedicated volumes of journal entries and blog space to the observation, but I really have experienced so much of this truth lately that it bears recording again. People are happy with basic. Basic thinking and effort are acceptable to them. They are truly content with basic. Mildly impressed with a bit above basic… Irritated at best with well above basic, and down right disgusted by shining unicorn status! HA! I have to laugh at the reality of this because on the flip side, that is exactly why the majority of society has the same reverse infatuation with below basic. Below basic takes no effort. It reflects the status quo. Basic means average. Those who sneer and inwardly revile the ground that forward thinkers and doers walk on cheer and dance to below basic. They clap, high-five, and are amazed at the simplicity of stupidity. It baffles me. Basic-lovers sing the songs; recite the dogmas; and represent basic with mug-buying, t-shirt-wearing, tote bag-carrying pride. They espouse being “petty” like that’s some prized quality. It’s not. They carelessly bandy about the basic theme spells of poverty, lack, sickness, selfishness, greed, loss, sadness, and overall disease of spirit. All in the name of embracing basic. This blight of mind has no respect of socio-economic status, age, color, gender, sexual orientation, or religion. I scratch my head at those who take the time to critique those of us who are moving, shaking, and making a true and exceptional difference in the world. It takes work. It takes spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional fortitude. It takes discipline, and even if a person is only using a fraction of his/her God-given abilities of purpose, he/she is STILL SHINING! That’s when the basic-lovers cringe. If a person must don a resemblance of basic, at least may he or she be about making the world a better place with it! Be a Robin Hood or something! That’s the thing though! Those who are about the business of actually doing life and grinding for a real blessing of wellness of life for everyone alive (and the generations yet born) are not sitting around whining and complaining! They are too busy creating, vibrating, and twirling on the critics! The creators create around the same detractors who give futile words of recommendation with no good fruit to back their advice. Blech! I always want to tell lazy, unhappy, basic people that I don’t want any of their fruit!! They don’t need to give me any of their advice. They need not send me any social media messages showing basic concepts. They don’t need to drop any hints or dedicate any tagged posts to me. What they can do is get their own harvests right! Real talk. But nah. That takes some action… some above basic strategy. However, their limitations don’t–and won’t–stop me from elevating and glittering in the newness and image of my Creator. Those who show contempt towards higher-minded notions of unconditional love, positivity, peace, joy, kindness, wisdom, empathy, lightness of heart, patience, glee, giddiness, meekness, bliss, determination, innocence, purity, fulfillment, purpose, innovation, humility, curiosity, opportunity, diligence, childlike-wonder, elevation of mind and spirit, or paramount health singly reveal that they are only able to adopt and celebrate what they know. Their ignorance won’t block my come-up, though. It won’t deter my meeting with the global confederation of doers that is convening as I type. There are actual people who are aligned with God to bring forth heaven on earth, and I choose to walk with those individuals. I will just continue to side-step the basic who think that they are the ultra-upgrade. I’ll pass them with the new (old) axiom, “Be blessed, Loves. I’m good. Enjoy.”

Beautiful Surprise

November 27, 2017

The things that seem to be the ugliest and most painful at the onset sometimes turn out to be exactly what you have prayed and cried and pleaded for for as long as you can remember.  I know that I am walking the steps that were foretold to my spirit years before my conception, yet as I have come from behind the veil of amnesia, I am grateful for the ugliness of the journey.  I am grateful that the darkest hours produced the most bitter tears that have evaporated into the very air of joy and bliss that I now inhale and exhale.  Life is so quirky and challenging and funny and exhilarating and elusive and peek-a-booish, and I clap at the beautiful surprise of a happy ending!  I clap at the amazing fulfillment of a job well done.  I clap at the climactic resting place of a manifested success.  Yes.  Yes, indeed!  I clap because I can.  I clap because I have earned it.  I clap because the applause has been purchased in bulk, and I plan to utilize every moment of euphoria that has been reserved for me.  The raw truth of ugliness within itself reserved this beautiful vantage point for me when we first met and danced, and so I tip my hat and nod toward a fruitful harvest.  Selah.

Master Creative

April 11, 2017

I have acknowledged several times how the journey has forced me to accept all of my gifts because that was a major purpose for the exodus from the old me.  So, as I begin a new leg of my journey, I coin and own the phrase “Master Creative“.  I am a master creative.  I am someone who has documented gifting in five or more fields of mastery.  It would be best understood as a master creative is at least a quintuple threat in the ability to do something extremely well.  In being used in the descriptive form of being an adjective, I am master creative as well.  I would describe myself (and anyone else who has tried to dim the shine of having and using several of his/her inherent gifts) as this noun.  Those of us who fall under this category are walking in the expertise of being master creatives because we hold the master keys to several forms of communication.  We can therefore assist others in communicating their truths of love, joy, light, or even pain, sorrow, and fear to the world so that it can transform lives.  This title will not apply to everyone, but hopefully it will inspire others to work toward honing the gifts or talents that they may have.  These gifts will make room for us all as we work diligently in letting our lights shine and making the world a better place.  I thank the Creator for sharing the breath of creation with me.  I unconditionally love and honor the beauty that flows through me by sharing it in all that I do.  This is my professional and informal definition of myself, and I am so glad that I am creating this definition of me instead of trying to fit into the old definitions of round holes that were prefabricated for me.  I am the square peg who is finally finding the way to a square opening, and I’m helping others to do the same.

Lead from Behind

March 5, 2017

The best leaders are servants first.  They have served others in some capacity throughout their lives, but moreover, the leader inherently has a servant’s heart.  The leader naturally wants to alleviate the needs of even just one person because he/she knows that it only takes the slightest movement of one to influence and change the entire world.  It is critical (but organic) for the person to know that in helping others become their best selves and meeting their needs, he/she is honestly helping him/herself in the pursuit of truth.  Truth is the essence and life force of all.  I always know when I am making a breakthrough in my own situations and issues because I have gone back to the essentials of serving others.  It may be in a different assignment of circumstance from where I had been comfortable, but it will be helping and assisting others nevertheless.  The beautiful gem of the matter is that service physically demonstrates the power of love, and I know that the untold gratitude of the served blesses the greatness of humanity.

New Beginnings

January 9, 2017

The dawn of a new year has come and gone, but I feel the lingering new energies upon me.  I have further released those things which no longer serve me–even though I constantly make the effort to self-reflect.  I send “goodbyes” to assignments that have expired where I am no longer needed and blessings to people who have gained what I was sent to give.  I must continue to walk forward because the globe awaits, and I still have the fire and desire to manifest goodness until I reach my home.  I truly know that new beginnings rejuvenate the mind and spirit.  I truly know that the path of the journey continues to beckon me.

Roll on

December 7, 2016

There have been so many things that have happened within the last few weeks that I do not know where to start writing.  I was totally able to process the events, but I had no energy to even bring myself to articulate my emotions.  The world appointed a new leader; I saw another year of existence come to a close, and another one begin; my journey was touched by the inexplicable transition of children and adults, and of course I had my regular observations of life and travels.  Each specific incident brought tears, and each incident caused me to remember that I have to roll on.  I have to keep my head up, and I must allow the essence of goodness to remain my friend and intimate companion… while rolling on to my real home.  Running away to the promises of God, my creator, has now spanned four years, and I have recently been reminded that I am still on this side of the veil.  I still must endeavor towards the mark.  I cannot get comfortable and stop running towards my new home of light and total beauty.  In my real home, there are no fake elections, birthdays, deaths, heartaches, disappointments, rough patches, inconsistencies, lies, lack, hardships, or liabilities.  So, as I refocus for the new year which steadily approaches, I know that rolling on in unconditional love of myself and others is my imperative.

Peace in the Storm

October 22, 2016

Thunder has boomed around me.  Lightning has clapped strongly enough to rattle the bones within my fatigued frame.  I still stand.  I walk through the pummeling drops of the rain, sometimes not knowing whether the liquid is from clouds or my eyes… Yet still I stand.  As the wind blows, and the evidence of life around me shutters, I have the peace within me that surpasses all understanding– or at least my understanding.  I trust and believe that there is a force at work in my life that is much greater than I.  I also have the blessed assurance of knowing that I do not resuscitate myself when I slumber and rise.  So, the comfort is there when all else is lost.